If You Were
by Picaro
Summary: (for Relinquished´s SetoRyou challenge) Things go not as planned for poor Ryou Bakura ever since that fateful slip in English Conversation class. Now our poor ring bearer stumbles from one embarrassing situation into another and Seto being his partner du


Disclaimer: This fiction was solely created for the intention of entertainment and Relinquished's Seto/Ryou contest. To which it's two days late, I might add. -.-; Well, anyway, it's a fluffy Seto/Ryou piece that wouldn't go out of my mind and I hope you have fun reading it! ^_^

PS: Be aware of OOCness. I tried avoiding it my best, but, hey!^ ^ 

"…."         spoken words

"#….#"     spoken words in English

/…../         Yami no Bakura to Ryou

//….//        Ryou to Yami no Bakura

´….´          written words

**´If you were...´**

When teachers get too much time with nothing to do, they sometimes come up with strange ideas. Or worse, they come up with strange ideas and let us students act them out. Which is far more embarrassing for us, and a lot more amusing for them. 

That's also the reason why we were now playing a relaxing ten minutes round of 'If you were…' in the middle of English class. Originally we were supposed to do something about improving our skills in English conversation (and listening to some of my classmates pronunciations, we needed that, believe me!), but since our dear, dear teacher Suzuki-sensei has decided that it would be so much more relaxing if we'd be starting with a nice little play-like exercise, we're stuck with 'If you were' now. 

Oh, excuse me. You probably don't even know what ´If you were´ is. Lucky you. It's a ´game´, were you are paired off with one or more partners and then one of you has to name an animal and the other has to quickly make up a sentence of what s/he'd do if the other were that animal. For example, if I were paired off with Jounouchi (which I'm unfortunately not. But about that matter later.), and he'd say 'dog' as his choice of animal, then I'd say something like 'If you (Jounouchi-kun) would be a dog, then I'd … definitely not let you anywhere near Kaiba-kun!' or something like that. Great game, ne?

The sense of it? I'm still searching myself, I fear. Since in my humble opinion that won't interest anybody anyway, there's none. Great time, wasting ten precious minutes of our life with while you could imagine at least seventy-four other, better and far more interesting things to do, right? 

So, now were stuck playing.

"Bakura, will you finally move over or not?"

That's the other part I've wanted to tell you about. Just as my luck has to be, I'm paired off with the only other one in class who could possibly speak proper English without unintentionally mutilating the language. Sorrowfully this other one also has no behaviour whatsoever and a lack in social skills that'd make an icicle look warm and cosy in comparison. Kaiba-kun.

"Yes, Kaiba-kun"

Obediently, I packed the things I was going to need during class and trudged over to were the pissed looking young CEO was waiting. Maybe he's also angry at this absolutely idiotic passing of time. Icy, cold blue eyes were turned in my direction. …-or maybe he's just pissed because he got the white-haired sissy as a partner. Kaiba-kun normally isn't to be impressed with good behaviour or any other social skills. No, if you wanted to impress _him_, you needed guts, kick-ass power and strong as hell nerves.  

None of those points was speaking for me. 

Though I have to say that I'm pretty good with the nerves thing by now, considering the constant strain living with my other self was putting them through. /I heard that!/  //Good.// Now many of you will be surprised to hear me speaking to him like that, but seriously, what did you expect? It was his own fault that I was getting cheeky. Nobody forced him to tell everybody that he has to protect my body in order to have an own one. He needs my body to be fully intact to be able to create a temporary own solid form for himself. 

The treats of stringing me up with my own guts rapidly lost its efficiency after that. Also, it's rather difficult to be scared of somebody who's managed to set his hair on fire in the process of warming up some water. Since then he's not allowed in the kitchen anymore.

"…anybody in there…?"

I jerked up, finally noticing the hand that was sarcastically waved in front of my face. "H-hai!" I squeaked. Seto's mouth twitched. I'm calling him Seto because I noticed that he doesn't seem to like the name Kaiba very much. It were just some little hints, like the way his deep, azure blue eyes tended to sparkle dangerously for a moment when he's called 'Kaiba', but when you're as versed with reading emotions as I, then you know what I mean. Currently… Kaiba-kun was slightly amused with me. Or rather, the way I managed to embarrass myself. He was also a bit disgruntled about the so-called game, but not enough to be exactly annoyed. Phew, good luck for me. 

For once.

He was still watching me attentively, by the way. Probably waiting for my next slip-up. /Then he won't have to wait long./ I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at the comment. //Thanks yami, but I honestly didn't ask you for your opinion.// "Bakura?" I jerked at Seto's voice. In the back of my mind, Bakura snickered. I decided not to bother with finding a fitting answer (for Bakura, mind you. I'm sure as hell not risking to draw the infamous Kaiba-wrath on me by being insolent.)

He's doing it again. Seto's shooting me this strange look were you know that he's smiling despite the fact that he didn't move a single muscle in his face. "Finished talking yet?" I blinked. "Eh-?" The corners of his lips twitched up in an amused smirk. I was irritated. It didn't look anything malicious or spurious like usual, but rather good-humouredly. I actually could bring myself to like that expression on his face. It made him look good. Seto-kun gave a light wave of his hand, lowering his voice a bit so that it drowned in with the rest of the class´ murmurs. I finally noticed that we had begun the 'game' already a while ago. 

"With your other self." I blinked again, trying to look innocent and confused. About the confused part, I didn't even have to act. "Other self…?" That earned me a strange look. Strange to be seen on his face, anyway. It was this typical ´don't tell me you think I'm really stupid enough to fall for this´- sort of look. Well, duh. Who's here the one ardently claiming that Millennium Spirits and ancient magic didn't exist?

Staring me down for another timeless (definitely too long, in my opinion) moment, Seto finally turned away, posing to be fully engulfed in our 'game'. Looking at me through the corner of his eyes, he said. "The one in your ring. I don't know what he's calling himself, and since I take that there's just one pharaoh…" He trailed off, smirking. His deep blue eyes were silently laughing at me.

Now I was fully confused. Mostly between the urge to gasp, imitating a fish on in land due to the fact that no only the great Seto Kaiba did know about the Millennium Spirits, but also (if not even more) that he showed human (I repeat: _human_!!) emotions in front of somebody else than his little brother. On the other hand there also was this incredible silly urge to stifle a laugh at the mental picture of how'd my other self would react to be called pharaoh. That was an idea. If I wouldn't bee so keen on making it trough to witness the next day, I'd promptly even try it out as soon as I came home. So there stayed just the funny imagination of the speechless look on his face for me to suffice.

Some of my amusement over his remark must have shown trough though, since Seto was once again watching me with that unnerving un-smile. Not that he was really smiling or just looking especially friendly or so, just that he also didn't look any menacing or angry like usual. Uhh...it's difficult to explain. He was watching me again, anyway.

"Finished?" 

I grinned meekly. "Hai." He nodded his head solemnly. "Then let's finally get started. Suzuki-sensei seems to get suspicious." I blinked. Really? Turning around I saw the much-hated teacher making his rounds through the rows of seats and students, listening into various embarrassing, stuttered conversations and correcting a bit here and giving his unasked-for opinion about a special choice of animal there. Whoo, great. And he's making his way directly to us through, did I mention that? I really ought to be grateful for Seto's attentiveness, or we'd be both caught staring into the dreamscape (or whatever else the young CEO did while I was engulfed with myself and my precious thoughts.).

Seto shrugged, seemingly uncaring about the closer coming doom for our (until now) excellent grades. "#Cat.#" I flinched. Why did he have to choose such an obvious animal? How was I supposed to find some imaginary, creative way to formulate a sentence with ´cat ´ in it that wasn't said at least three different times within the last seven minutes in the classroom before? The teacher was coming closer. I panicked. I didn't exactly now how I always managed to get such good grades in a language that wasn't even my native tongue, but somehow I got. And I wanted to keep them! 

So, forgetting about my dignity and any creativeness I might have possessed, I stammered the first thing out that came into my mind. "# If you were a cat, then I'd not let you anywhere close to the furniture!#" Seto rose an bemused slender eyebrow. Great, now the great child-genius was laughing at me. I was seriously considering burying myself in the ground by the force of will alone. 

The corner of Seto's lips twitched. "#Your turn.#" I blinked before I finally realized what was wrong. I knew I forgot something! I didn't name an animal for myself for Seto to continue. "#Err... #" Blue eyes watched me attentively. I knew I was turning bright red by now. The brunette leaned forward. "#So?#" I panicked. An animal, an animal, gods, I needed an animal! /Rattle-snake./, my other self jumped to my rescue. I, too distressed by Seto's close presence and stupid enough to actually think that Yami no Bakura would actually do anything nice, foolishly blurted it loud out.

"A snake...?" 

Seto's features scrunched up for a moment in surprise. I could feel with him, believe me. What the hell was one supposed to say with 'snake'? //Bakura, why are you doing this to me?!//, I practically screeched through our mental link. Loud snickers were all the answer I got. /Because it's fun!/ I resisted the urge to strangle him, first because that would be quite difficult to do from afar and second because I would end up dead in the process as well to almost hundred percent likeliest.

Thoughtful azure eyes studied me. Screw the considering, I wanted to sink into a deep hole in the ground right then and there. As fast as it had come, the expression on Seto's face suddenly turned back into his usual stoic mask and he leaned back. 

"#If you were a poisonous snake, I'd use your poison to create medicine.#"     

The whole sentence was said with a fluid, accent-free English that cold make native speakers envious. Seto smirked at me. Somehow I got the feeling that I wouldn't like what was coming next. "#Though I don't think that a snake is the animal fitting to be associated with you.#" Eh? 

"Eh?" 

"#It´d rather choose a  fox.#" Eh?!?

"#A fox...?#" I echoed numbly. Hell, Kaiba, why were you doing that to me?! He watched me slyly. "One of those white ones... A polar fox.#" Now I was completely speechless. My other side as well, if that said something. Usually he never let out an opportunity to torture me.

"# Oh Kaiba-kun, and why that? Why would you rather consider Bakura-kun a Snow Fox than a dangerous snake?#" I flinched at the accused voice. Suzuki-sensei, your teacher from hell. (As I'd decided over the last ten minutes ago – and no, I don't care what he said before. This was definitely going on longer than the appointed time!) Ignoring the pesky teacher, I hoped that my partner on time would decide to simply glare him away. And don't ask, Seto-kun could do that. I already witnessed him using that hellish talent on a few people he thought as annoying and I have to say, after seeing them, I honestly didn't wish to ever experience it myself. It's fascinating how such stunning blue eyes could do that much by simple directing their focus on somebody.

Kaiba-kun smiled, no smirked, at the poor unsuspecting teacher. "#Simple. First of all, Bakura has fluffy-looking, pure-white hair, no scales. Second, he's showing far too much emotions to ever pass as a reptile. And third-#" He paused, giving me an roughish look before continuing. (I swear it was there Doctor! I saw it!! I swear!!) "# -the whole idea of him biting anybody is simply hilarious. #"

Satisfied with this explanation (and humiliation of mine, I might add) Suzuki-sensei left us, searching for more unfortunate students to torture with his questions. My other self was laughing his head off. I couldn't understand much between the guwaffs of laughter, but as far as I could tell, it was mostly about me biting somebody – doggie style. How do they say? 'Who's having the damage doesn't have to worry about the laughter?' That's definitely true.

I huffed to myself. "Oh shut up." "Pardon me?" I flinched. That was definitely something I did NOT want Seto-kun to understand as being aimed at him. He might get it wrong. Like, insult me and die, wrong. Yami no Bakura was literally collapsing howling with laughter now. 

Seto-kun watched me with a curious look. Well, he was curious, even though you could only see it in that expression in his eyes. 

/Since when are you expert in reading other peoples expressions?/ 

//I'm not, other self. And now shut up, I'm not talking with you.//

/Really? And what did you just do right now?/ He sounded all and all too smug for my favour. //…// I rolled my eyes, hoping to make my silence as offending as possible. You can guess how much effect on Yami no Bakura that had. Sighing silently, I turned back to Seto-kun – who was watching me with that amused expression again! 

I involuntary turned a slight shade of pink. In the back of my mind, I could hear the sounds of somebody desperately trying to stifle his laughter. He was failing miserably. Giving the blue-eyed brunette an apologetic look, I said. "Gomen, Kaiba-kun, he keeps giving me his unasked for opinion." (and crack comments on my clumsiness. Seriously, if my other self compared myself with a blushing schoolgirl or just took the word virgin in his mouth one more time, I was going to go crazy.) "Ah." Seto nodded courtly. It was obvious that he knew whom I was talking about by ´him´. I was grateful for that.

"Ready to go on?" I nodded my head. "Hai." A slight smirk. "#Good.#"

And so we went on. Most of the time passed fine, with the two of us choosing random animals that were not too difficult to give the other problems formulating a sentence with it (not that Seto-kun would). Although, Seto had some strange ideas, I had to say. 

Though his were by far not as bad as some of the others I picked up. There were ice bears, penguins, (I wonder how Yugi-kun got to that one), rhinos, zebras, ostriches, a porcupine,… but the okra whale topped it all. I myself had earned me my strange look when I came up with ´humming bird´. Seto had actually to pause and think about that for whole three seconds before responding. So well, all went good until that fateful word. 

Yes, fateful.

Some when, we had went through all the possible varieties of easy to talk about animals and it had came down to bored droning out whatever thought crossed your mind at the second you heard the word. Suzuki-sensei held certainly not onto his word about the ten minutes practicing for warm up. Anyway, I was in such a state when Seto-kun finally said "#Horse.#" Now there's nothing wrong with a horse, not even when you were mentally trying to imagine how your admittedly handsome project partner would look like as one. Well, how would I describe Seto-kun? The best way was to simply adjust to the feeling the other one was giving you in such cases, I figured. So…what? Hmm…, tall, long-legged, regal-looking, dark-haired, imposing, carrying an air of wildness,… A fiery Arab would fit him the best, I guessed.

So, still holding this mental image in my head, I said. "#If you were a horse, Seto-kun, I'd like to ride you.#" For a moment there was stunned silence. Then the  thief of the Sennen Ring started snickering insanely. I turned pale. That was never a good sign. When I turned my head, Seto was staring at me wide-eyed. I immediately panicked. What did I do?! Was it something I said? But what…? I hurriedly reconstructed the exact words I'd said. When he would be a horse… Kami-sama, did I really call him by his first name?…I would like…to.. ride.. him. On him. His back. If he were a horse. Gods that sounded wrong!

I immediately turned bright red as I realized which unintended ambiguity my sentence had had. And as what it could be taken suggesting. "I-!" I yelped, not really caring nor thinking what it even was what I was going to say. Not that I would've known anyway. My face was burning hot and Seto was still staring at me like I'd suddenly grown a second head. This was hell! I finally gathered enough wits to remember that I was trying to say something.

"#Not- Not like that!! I didn't mean it like that!!!#"

At my horrified yelp the whole class turned their attention to me. I ducked and tried my skills at the aforementioned vanishing into the ground. Yami no Bakura was openly laughing at me now. I willed myself to ignore him, forcing my attention back to the amazing brunette next to me. Wait, did I just say amazing? I meant it's amazing that I'm still among the living instead of sharing my other self's plane of existence. 

Unreadable azure blue eyes blinked at me. Slowly. And then the impossible happened. That strange sort-of smirk appeared on his lips again as he ducked his head so that his hair was concealing his expression mostly from the rest of our classmates. But not from me. Completely appalled, I had to witness how it(the smirk) stretched even more, turning into a (dare I say it?) smile, which, in turn turned into a grin. And then the impossible happened. Seto, yes Kaiba Seto-kun, started laughing. Starting with a low chuckle it soon turned into deep, melodic laughter. I found myself mesmerized by it.

//Heavens! Yami no Bakura did you just hear that?// My Millennium Spirit answered immediately. /What? That the high priest's laughing?/ I blinked slowly. //Yes. It sounds great doesn't it? Seto-kun definitely has to laugh more often!// /… .. It's sounding… nice, I guess./ Yami no Bakura admitted after a reluctant pause. Then, /Since when are you on a first name term anyway, Ryou-chan?/ 

I was too captivated to notice the use of my hated nickname. (-chan is something for girls and little kids! And I'm neither!) 

//We aren't… //

My other self let out a snort. /I see. Are you even aware of the fact that he's laughing _at you_, baka?/ I flinched a bit. That was indeed something I'd managed to oversee in the utter shock of seeing the icy CEO break his cold composure. He must have noticed my hurt look, because Seto finally managed to regain control over his gone rampant temper and shot me an (almost!) apologetic look. I briefly wondered if the world was going to end. 

Cleansing my throat, I said "#Your turn.#" That was one of the few things I could say perfectly well, thanks to my duelling other self. Seto quirked an eyebrow. I tilted my head and gave him a confused, blank look. After a three minutes of  heavy silence Seto finally took pity on me and reminded my that I (once again) had forgotten to name the next animal. I felt like dying right then. Ugh, I was such a helpless fool! 

/No arguments about that there.…/

I frowned. //Why, thanks Yami no Bakura.// 

/Sure!! ^ ^ / My sarcastic edge was totally lost on him. I sighed. Things were looking like there was going to be an long English class today. 

***

When Suzuki-sensei finally decided that it was enough of humiliating torturing for each one of us, it was pure bliss. I was glad to be finally able to flee Seto's closeness; which had taken to have an rather disturbing effect onto my emotional state. If our teachers were going to decide to hold more ´group exercises´ like that, I was going to need a good therapist. Maybe a soul counsellor wouldn't be that worse as well. I could try how he'd react to an almost exact twin who claimed to be the personification of an several centuries long dead Egyptian king of thieves. Now _that_'d be something worth taking a picture of. 

But sorrowfully Suzuki-sensei didn't seem to agree with me about it being enough students-torture for a day and decided just that very moment to make each one of us recite one animal we were compared to. The complete sentences. And guess, just guess, what sentence Seto had to choose. To say the least, I nearly chocked when I heard him suddenly say "#Bakura-kun said that he'd like to take a ride on me – If I were a horse.#" 

Of course I panicked. Before any of the others even had time to form a single coherent though of how to interpret it, I had already blurted out. "#Not like that! Not like that!!#" again. Sure thing what obvious direction their considerations took after that. Within seconds the whole classroom was filled with noise. Some were just grinning, a few were making sickened noises or shooting us strange looks (mostly reading ´how-the-hell-did-you-come-on-that-one?!), a few girls in the background were squealing, but the majority of the class was simply laughing. Hard. I turned beet-red.

"#Why are you all laughing?#" Suzuki-sensei looked confused. "#Was there something wrong with what he said?#" This caused  some of the students to howl out with even more laughers. I was silently wondering if he was really so dense or just being sadistic. "#Would any of you care to explain your sudden outburst of amusement?#" At that question the whole class was immediately silent. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Definitely sadism. Definitely. "#Bakura-kun?#" I sweat-dropped. How the heck are you supposed to explain to your (intentionally dense) teacher that you'd said something that could be taken as pretty open request for hard-core sex? I stayed silent. 

"#Anybody else?#" Suzuki-sensei still tried a while, but none of the others students as well wanted to give him a satisfying explanation. Except me 'having dirty thoughts' and 'that that what I'd suggested would be a little difficult doing with a _sea_horse'. (Seto's last name was translated meaning seahorse.) 

I decided to smack Jounouchi-kun real hard for that one later. 

*** 

I was at the end with my nerves when the class was finally over. And the following week. Not only thanks to the many catcalls I received (strangely, such embarrassing slip-ups were always extremely fast to spread trough the whole school) and the surprising calmness Seto took them with. Not like me who still turned beet-red and began stuttering every time our ´outing´ was mentioned. Seto was acting strange all that time anyway. He was less scowling and every then and there he would even come up to me to talk! And not the usual, growling I-can't-stand-you talk, but real nice conversation! Can you imagine how irritated I was the first time it happened? But what was worst was that Seto was a real good, interesting person to talk to once he decided to like you. I found myself looking forward to our meetings a little bit more every day that passed.

It was a worse situation. I was getting addicted to a jerk CEO! With a real nice set of deep blue eyes, a voice to die for and a simply gorgeous body… Bad Ryou, bad Ryou! Go on like that and people really had to think I was gay. Which I wasn't. Was I? Or maybe it was Seto and not me? That thought didn't help much. By now I was bouncing with irritation every day the young CEO wouldn't come to school. Usually it was some ordinary reason like too much work at Kaiba Corp. but it was still making me uneasy every time anew. 

One of those times was my birthday as well. I sighed silently to myself. I was worried, especially since my other half seemed to be in a much too good of a mood this morning. A happy Yami no Bakura usually meant a scheming Yami no Bakura. And when the spirit of the Millennium Ring was planning something it normally never meant anything good for anybody participating. Yami no Bakura had surely had to have noticed my newfound interest in Seto. School was hell that day and when it was finally over I was as happy over being able to leave than seldom before. Quickly shouting my good-byes to Yugi-tachi I ran home, anxiousness lacing my chest.

When I arrived, Yami no Bakura was not there. Seto was, though. He was tied to my bed completely undressed save for the overly thigh leather pants that were hugging to his skin and leaving no place for imagination. Not that it was necessary. What Seto actually had was more than enough to set my hormones into overdrive mode. To top it all the pants were half unbuttoned and draped dangerously low onto his hips, the naked flesh I could see clearly telling me that there were no underwear to disturb. Slowly stepping closer to the bed I realized that there was something written on his chest. 

**´A Seahorse for My Foxy Ryou-Chan´**

**´Happy Birthday! –Y.n.B.´**

It read in letters that looked suspiciously like whipped cream. And, right under the bright-blue Happy-Birthday bow that my other self had somehow managed to wrap around Seto's waist it read. 

**´Much Fun With Your Little Ride!^_~´**

….I was going to kill him. No matter how dangerous to myself, Yami no Bakura would die. How could he do something like that! Seto was going to kill me as soon as he was free again. Though… I blinked down at the tied CEO. Damn. Seto simply was too hot for his own good. 

…

… …

Change of plans. First Seto then Yami no Bakura. I liked my lips. Bakura must have remembered how much I liked the taste of whipped cream. And that letters on Seto's chest and abdomen looked simply inviting. Forget about that sly other self of mine, Seto was first… 

Definitely Seto first.

++++++++++

Owari

I'll leave the rest to your own dirty minds. ^ __^  Like so often, this story is kind of based on real happenings. And yes, that fateful slip-up about horse riding did happen for real. The girl it was said to made a face… *starts snickering* Ahem … ..^_^; Well, what do you expect from a class of senior high school students in their twelfth period of class in school? (That's about 6pm) I don't know if I properly managed to translate the joke into English though… I hope I did.^_~

Please review!!


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